Knock Knock.... Hello

Lazy Sunday Afternoons are the best thing that has ever happened to mankind. And for all those reasons Im glad God finally decided to take a day off. That right, hes off on some holy plane playing a couple of rounds of Godly golf. When the cat is away the mice come to play.

So beyond the judgment of an all seeing eye, I figure we could all just indulge in some wrong for once. Having left Ray Charles (therefore the term see no evil does literally apply) at his stead, he has given us one free pass.

So here is a checklist of what all I intend on doing after I am done spell checking this post

1. Forcefully jump over the gate which leads to my abode even if I have the keys to open them, just so that I can see the sorry face of the mean security guy who always whines that our kind makes too much noise. (Ironically hes a halfbreed mudblood who also happens to be sparsely from our kind, twice removed genetically.)
2. Torture the fat cat that resides below the stairs which lead from my abode. First make him a lasagna (he reminds me of Garfield). While he steps forth of the plate of piping hot catnip, I kick him in the groins. Thats payback for all the times you went mew , mew , roar eight freaking thirty in the morning.
3. Delete every single hip hop playlists on all of my friends ipods, computers and other musical paraphernalia replacing them with mortzart and rock. (The world finally comes full circle).
4. Give Keanue Reeves an Oscar for best actor.
5. Eat a durean with raw oysters and then garlic with some dried tuna.
6. play GTA in real life (damn these video games fill my head with images of truth and being, aaaahhhh I am but a humble slave, bind me bind me ... command me masters of CGI)
7. Flash at an elderly woman with a cut out of Hulk Hogan underneath my clothes. (that will give her a shelf life extention im sure)

Anyway enough! God's back he sucked at golf and decided to call it a day ....thats right the eighth day of the week is ISUCAKATGOLFDAY.

I was gonna write some more on the weird conversations that I have had on the phone recently but .,,,,, the computer is moving away ... shes running away with my roommate who apparently treats her better ... hey I got you your ram bitch your ram ... ooohh and his screen protector is better screw you.....

Sigmond ... pissed at God and computers on this hold day of RnR

I wish I was an alien .... my home behind the sun

Recently someone claimed that they had finally (with or without remorse) typecasted me into a generic type of human being.

This is dangerous for someone like me as now my Superhero Alterego has no distinctively normal person to go back to when the night has faded and the day has begun. For all those of you who don't know me too well, I am CoporateDawg (www.corpwatch.org). Defender against the evils of accountants, the insider trading of CEO's and the tax evasion of Martha Stewart.

Too much as been happening around me these days. People around me are getting jobs, trying new things and most off all really experimenting with things that seem to be what could only be aired on American soap operas ..... Its real people, Western culture has truly hit us and is now slowly taking over.... While Americans around the world are looking into the east for new spiritual and cosmotic well being ... we the people of the east are becoming more and more western...

I get it; its all about liberalism and all that .... but really do we have to take it to that extreme ... I am all for change but .. change in the right order. I believe that the world needs for now slowly turn brown. Its a nice color really not really extreme but just right; kinda like the best shade of inbetween there can be. And the advantage of being brown lies in the fact that , the color white is associate with the inability to dance or dunk, the color black is often associated with the harsh accusation of being shady and dodgy, the color yellow is associated with the inability to drive, but the color brown is associated with none of these. Brown is the color of non expectation which makes life a lot easier and to say the least a lot less stressfull. If people don't expect anything from you then its easy to be a large fish in a significantly small pond of expectations.

Do one thing which seems slightly and ever so minutely significant and people commend you for that. Take a look around you people, the only reason you think that the brown people of the world are taking over the world is because you never expected it in the first place. All we had to do was follow this estranged concept of globalization. We started with spices and now we are telehelp for dummies.

Mais cest la vie and I guess all in all there is something inside all of us that wants to be purely brown, for all those of you out there all I can say is live it large, eat a samosa and watch a Hindi movie and you may just be one step closer to nirvana or something like that.

Sigmond saying "don't take tension, smoke a Benson."

To pasty music and what everything else that goes with it

Its final then, pasty music is indeed the order of the night. Its been three weeks now and that means three weeks of late night TV for supper and late afternoon TV for breakfast. Inside this space people seem to refer to as my head, is a cespool of Pop culture, Perpetual reruns, Post traumatic Oprah and the Pussy cat dolls (not necessarily in that order).

Life is really starting to ask its most dreaded question. Often when the nights are dark and the air conditioning is on full, life pops up, dressed to impress in the form of Kurt Cobain. He stares at me with those judgmental eyes and then spews out in lyrical tonation. "Sigmond ... its called a life do you have one yet?" Shocked but mostly sleepy I reply in true grunge fashion "Im not dumb but I can pretend, the day is done I think im just happy." (He gets me I know he does)

Just as quickly as Kurt 'my man' Cobain disappears, my iShuffle beings to play Alive (Pearl Jam). I take a deep look into the inner soul that is me. All I find are packets of semi digested (well masticated) morsels of supper and the partial reason as to why the world is not half covered in smog.

So the real question I put out there is whether or not I am truly just withering away. Am I the next rerun that goes along the same playlist without an intonation as to when my next season will start? Has my nbc cancelled my show? or is this just a spin off from what was actually a really good emmy award winning mini series of 22 seasons?

If I were really a TV series I would most definitely want to be Scrubs (yup I got dibs on that one). Don't ask me why, but the idea of a stand up doctor really appeals to the whole cycle of life and karma crap that we are usually fed by the (you know) mature and serious people in life.

So would I qualify ever as a mature and serious person in life? In order to answer this we really have to look into the laundry check list of what makes a person mature and serious in life. (Mind you the following list in not ficticious and any references to checklists that already exist is not purely co-incidental and should be looked upon for further reference if one ever felt the need to verify my version of the truth).

1. One needs to have a job and should be settled in life (financially)
2. If one does not have a job then one must not eat or sleep (or must do so only if or until) he/she finds that job (which in turn checks point one with a nice shiny tick)
3. One needs to do mature things which may include, nice dinners, swanky nights out with refined alcohol in limits which numb the god given senses but never the intuition so needed to be sane.
4. One needs to be sociable and approachable if ever the need to be so arises (this would include putting up with people you cant stand but cant do anything about since he either your boss, or someone who can make your life a little less comfortable).
5. One needs to have an aim in life, that means putting a bulls eye on everything you deem possible and non trivial. (This may seem confusing at first but then many people just put a bulls eye on anything. Like your dream car being an affordable four seater salon, or the fact that three out of thirteen bullet points you made in a presentation were actually used for some higher purpose within the corporation, the ten other were discarded with some a seer and a board room cheer.)
6. One needs to want to do it, but does not necessarily need to do it but should not show the need to want to do it unless the time comes to really do it when they can show how much they want to do it and end up not doing it only to relive the chase that is the want to do it and by that really do it.
7. One needs to entertain oneself with things that are cultural and in the best sense educational to the evolution of the self. (That means no Van wilder and No Nacho Libre).
8. One needs to read the financial times to be informed. (Mainly to dream of where they would put their money once they make it, when they make the money however they want more and forget all about spending it, and as a result of which they reach 50 and realize that they have no money cause it all went in making more money and they dint stop to smell the flowers.)
9. And finally one needs to listen to refined music this may include musical scores from Broadway and jazz.

So am I on my way to being mature (do I want to be)? Well if all goes well I dont think I would ever be checking any one those on the most to do list of mature things to do to seem and be mature in the real world. But then again people have told me that I have been a kid for far too long.

Well if thats the case what a few more years, after all if Im still a pilot on air, the season finale is a mile away.

Sigmonds Anatomy (The real case of OCD)

NO!.... Thank you for smoking

In a sudden spate of utter joblessness or would I say the lack of anything remotely interesting to watch on the tele, I traversed the 5 kilometers or so (with my handy walking stick and 5 bucks for the cab) to the nearest movie hall to check out a movie called Thank You for Smoking ... thats right people a movie that in no way has a positive social message to quit killing ourselves with cancer on sticks (talk about a breath of fresh air).

Amazing as it may sound the movie was actually awe inspiring ... not because it contained no hard driven Hollywood social message but because it actually got me thinking about this whole 'killing yourself thing' which in reality is a common state of mental being (I don't argue with the psychos at the labs they seem to know it all don't they).

So if you are gonna kill yourself, I figure that you might as well do it in a manner that suits you ... noo I don't mean just make it painless I guess that's a given .. but look deeper into it .. go into it like rambo would not just like Romeo.

Paste a hundred nicotine patches on your body and then stream away in the oblivion with some sense of High .... (this is straight off the movie by the way slightly abridged)... Thinking off all the positive aspects this may have I am gonna list a few
a)Its a High that is legal and can be bought over most counters and the best part is you can pay half of what you would otherwise pay to OD on something substantially folkloreish.
b)When you go to buy it off the counter instead of people judging (asking question like "why would she need so much aspirin??") you, you would actually be seen as a pre Madonna for change; for you are the new you; one who is trying to quit smoking (and thus saving millions of others from your passive smoke) and you seem the type who would also stop driving around in your SUV/Cab (this too will save millions from your passive smoke ... well not your passive smoke but you get the point) and lastly
c)You rock all the way to heaven and when you reach the pearly gates you get a free pass backstage to meet the almighty cause heck you tried (he doesn't need to know that you actually tried to kill yourself not the nasty habit).

If nicotine aint your poison you could always try to kill yourself with all the other non conventional suicide techniques ... some of which include a lot of whiskey an open road to a cliff and your SUV (again it helps stop passive smoking), A Captain Kirk costume in a star trek convention (Its premeditated suicide so no one else shall be implicated) or just tell my neighbor that she pretentious and most of all shes pretentious for all the wrong reasons (I bought a suit of body armor and a cage used in close up predator photography.... I barely survived but I need my nicotine to stop shaking ...horrors I tell you horrors)

If suicide is illegal in your country well then don't just sit on your ass think of places you can do it ... International waters, Iraq (with a little help from some dictator friends), or you could just risk it anyway cause if they ever find out all they can do is handcuff your limp and possibly long dead body ..... think of the bigger picture your soul is free .....

For the record all you existentialists out there ... there is no claim in the charter of the self that you can kill yourself ... I know I know im disappointed to .. but for some reason we have a social contract or moral contract if it could be said with the alternative and if you are in a frame of mind which professes the slitting of the wrists or vodka without tonic, you are not in a substantial frame of mind of acknowledge the existence of an alternative (and thus we hit a moral road block of Kafkatic proportions).... and the disappointment with hippie philosophy continues.

For all of you who have never felt the urge to kill yourself... man wake up and smell the coffee, if pink is the new black , dying in the new life ....... So SAY NO TO SMOKING and accept thy fate in a NICOTINE PATCH ... after all Kurt Cobain was wrong; its not better to burn out than fade away ... seems to me fading away seems a tad bit more comfortable

Siggy saying no to Ciggies