Oh! Kids they grow up so fast

Arid are my posting habits but its mainly because of the fact that my computer has left me for good and that internet access in the first world seems to be harder than growing parsley on cement.

That being said I do have some interesting insight into this whole old enough to do things scenario. You can never be too old to do anything really and you can never be too young to what you have always wanted to do.

Here are a couple of scenarios where age really does seem to matter.

a) I turn 22 and walk into a really not so swanky night club to indulge in a night of heavy drinking and maybe some backseat dancing. I reach the entrance of this not so swanky place and there ahead of me lies the biggest most bufff gorilla I have ever seen in my life (trust me he could have been a national geographic special all by himself). He takes one look at me ...... and goes can I see some ID .... (what was he thinking that I the master off cool who has personified the idea of grunge into myself am not old enough to enter his bat cave).... so I think to myself im old enough and 22 is a decent age ...yeah thats right im OLD enough ..... Unfortunately Kong himself would love to disagree .... he says in his coy and undulating voice ... The entry is 23 ... (what the hell 23 how does work so when im 23 its gonna be 24 and when I am eventually 24 I would need to be less hung than I am now to get it ..... this ladies and gentlemen is what you call insecurity ..... not only does he hide his lack of something essentially male behind a drive to to beef cake himself as though the world is running out of spam ... nooooo he needs to pick on potential party hoppers who just want to have a good time in a not so swanky place..... David meet Goliath ... Goliath ... David is a lot smarter than you and as such is gonna kick your ass .... Goliath squashes David .... David stands there thinking wtf....) ... damn no wonder I don’t believe in the almighty ....

b)I turn 22 and all I want to do is set myself up for some fun ... which would include me stuffing myself with candy, and maybe catching the preview of the new Disney pixar Cars..... so I go to the one place I know I get both candy and a movie the movieeeeeeeeeee hallllllllll. So I buy the candy and the movie ticket and im walking with both my hands full and with the ticket in my mouth and ok I admit I had a few cars stickers and a balloon car ... but what the hell they were free ..... Amidst the green mile from the food counter to the movie hall I was struck by a sudden realization that the world was watching ...... thats right a hundred roving eyes judging me ... ohh look at that old guy walking with candy and balloons .... thats right don’t deny it ppl you would do that too ... but the point lies here ..... what the hell im too young to drink in a not soo swanky place but I am too old to eat candy ..... SO I cant eat candy and I cant drink ... so what am I supposed to be doing .... its the twilight zone ..... as though the only social life a 22 year old is supposed to have is a torrent of the doldrums without an escape or a fake id. For the record I like cannnnnnnnnnnnndyyyyyyyy sometimes ... (Ok Sigmond time to be man ... not boy but man ... Yeah and I also like to read Maxim and I sometimes dig porn .... that should do it shouldnt it ?????? )

So here is for all of you who think they are old enough to do everything you ever wanted ... trust me here are a few things to do before we all get too old

1)Go to Disney land (actually I think we can do that whenever we wish)
2)Ride a pony
3)Fall in love and then out of it so theres enough time to get over it (oohh yeah the first kiss thing ... it felt really good I think)
4)Listen to your first really good rock record
5)Make your biggest mistake and then not learn from it and make it again at a later date
6)Taste your first drink and rebuke at how crappy it tastes
7)Sneak into your first grown ups party and act all macho and deep
8)Lie and get away with it (its a skill thats good for life)
9)Say sorry and really mean it ........... even if you know it means that nothing is gonna be the same again
10)Try not to grow up too soon ...

And here are a few things to do before you think you are old enough to do anything

1)Go to Disney land
2)Do all the kiddy things you have always wanted to do .. and for the record they were never dolls they are action figures
3)Live like a student and party every weekend and don’t go for class the next day
4)Eat all the candy you can before you die off clogged veins
5)Enjoy the infinite joys of singledom before you biological clock kicks in
6)watch Finding nemo and the llion king ......
7)Travel before you are either too broke or too old to do so
8)Lie and this time it doesn’t matter if you get away with it cause you will be powerful enough or would not care enough in the future anyway
9)Pick up an instrument any one but ur radio
10) Stop and smell the flowers ... be it off the poison ivy

SO here I go to grow and maybe in someway still stay the same

Rip Van Sigmond

Don’t mind me ...im just the fly on the wall (Noir is the new black Part 2)

Sigmond has been away for a while and for some reason which is inherently unknown to him he’s been stuck to the four walls that seem to follow him everywhere.

This has truly been a strange strange period of time ... almost like an era in itself, not only has Sigmond been completely cut off from his world, but now he chooses to live in a world where he himself is alien to the very cause. It sounds very metaphysical but really it all boils down to me speaking in third person and frantically looking for a job (By frantically I mean online applications, mid day TV and football at night).

So anyway that being said I really do have to get down to the matter of the odd almost supernatural incidents that seem to be happening around me all the time. Instead of putting it down in the usual bullet pointed paragraphs I have decided to continue with Peye Sigmond .. That’s right Sigmond is back and he’s noirer than ever...

"It hadn’t stopped raining in the ten minutes it had taken for me to leave the comfort of my office for the adultery of the rain. But today was not the day for complaining .....The words "six thousand now and another six later" rang in my ears like Buddhist bells in Katmandu. Money it seemed was truly the essence of life.

Harry was a queer, short and round he was the potato that was outcast from the bleak world of the underworld. An ex mafia you could call him but he would have much preferred being called a mafia bella. I dint like meeting Harry for he always had a touch of gay around him that seemed to turn my mono scripted world into an hour long Technicolor. I hated Technicolor......

"Give me the 411 Harry on this bloke named Jack and his squeeze Jill", I said shielding my face from the intense color of Harry's night gown. "Its gonna cost you Sigmond, I don do these things anymore, I am now an actor you hear, you ask me to screw the family its like tuna in pasta ... it don taste too good." "You have already screwed half the family Harry and it don take much for me to cheddar your cheese so spit it"

Harry gave me nothing. Jack and Jill were like ghosts and all I left with was the cold feel of a drag queen sticking a double barrel to my head and a strong allergy to nuts....... it was that time of the year again ..... Mardi gras ....... no places for me not even a quiet corner to light my cigarette.

Father Flannigan’s seemed like a good spot to hold my own and weather the storm that was now brewing outside. 'Hey cutie a cup of joe and make it Irish with a lot of cream." Finally the cigarette sparked its familiar tinge and the satin smoke made its way down my now choked veins. I sat there like a fly on the wall observing and listening. Maybe something would show up. After all the fly on the wall has always been gainfully employed .....

As I sipped joe with delight, all I could think off was how much the broad had reminded me off why I had left the world of petty investigations ..... but then again those Buddhist chimes seemed to rings in my ears ... fueling this body with the only gasoline it would guzzle ... money! ..

Time flew by and all I did was sit and the joes just passed by...