Woe is me ... I'm jobless cant you see

So here’s the funny thing about work, I have the sore thumb syndrome. You know the kind of syndrome where you stick out. Almost like a sexy hitchhikers thumb except you are bald and bruised from the fact that this routine has taken the shine outta you. Yeah those kinda thumb.

Chronic boredom from the excess abundance of not wanting to do the same thing over and over again leads me to wonder, how come I never get bored of being bored?
Of all the routines in my life I think the most cyclical of them all is me getting bored, and for some reason I can’t seem to be getting enough of that. I think it’s probably because of the fact that the world is round and everyone is too used to sleeping, working , eating, working and then sleeping some more. See its all cyclical and to prove it I have an office filled with prime examples of what goes into making a truly cyclical existence.

Lessons less round but round enough to be round hence is round therefore making for good examples of cyclical behaviour which makes my life boring.

A) Have you ever noticed that your corporate life begins immediately post natal and ends at that state as cleanly as it began. Its simple really, when you are born you have the following , a bald head of hair, a sense for small balls ,cognitive awareness like that of a deer caught in the headlights, regard of thankfulness only up until the next feeding or nappy change and lastly the dressing sense straight out of some fantasy playing in your mothers head. After years of growing up you painfully work though this whole vat of knowledge and end up feeling accomplished when you enter this world of hard work and the monthly pay cheques. Then comes responsibility, you manage growth, profits and expedite the business to become …. A MANAGER (voila the holy grail of getting your own cubicle) . Eventually after years of pretending to like what you do you become the boss and voila look where you find yourself ; you have a bald head of hair, a likeness for small balls and clubs to beat them with, cognitive awareness of a deer whose been hit by the headlights and is now figuring out why the new guys talks so much, a regard for thankfulness only up until the next feeding or structural change (The corporate nappy change) and lastly the dressing sense straight out of some fantasy playing in your mothers head. What goes around ….. well is going around.
B) Have you ever noticed that there is never a dearth of people just being happy with what they do every day , be it mundane or repetitive or anything that is Pluto if the place to really be in Mars. The funny thing is that being satisfied with doing just the bare mundane is something that arises from what I call “The vicious cycle of corporate no leaving before 5:30 because it looks bad.” Its true that the proverbial work from 9 to 5 has now transgressed into the proverbial work from 8:30 to 5:30 (discounting the lunch hour that exactly 8 hours). The theory is simple; you have to look like you are working for 8 hours each day. If you finish your work you shall be dumped with more work. Hence the obvious solution is to stretch your work all through the day (best case scenario you type all day with your pinkie finger … don’t worry carpel ton syndrome is partially covered by your lanky health insurance), take many short or a few long coffee breaks and lastly the loo is always your best friend. The moral of the story is that a good Dilbert is one who knows how to multitask flash games and working reports (its alt + tab …the secret its alt+tab). DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE FINISH EARLY… 1) you look like a show off who is too smart for his own good and 2) they feel threatened cause you are not a drone …. Not a drone how like that aaah???
C) Everyone who is anyone in the corporate world like to go on a 3 days 2 nights vacation come a long weekend. It’s the in thing to do people. You know show off the cash reserves and the fact that budget airlines have made everyone a Richard Branson. Work what work , Monday is off where are you going … ohh me I'm just flying off to Pukhet and you ooh Krambi … I went there last time we had Monday off … I think its so passé. The globetrotting free-willed peons are but haplessly caught in the vicious cycle of wannabedom. Monaco becomes Mersing, The French coast becomes Lankawi and Bermuda becomes Krabi … allegorical restatements that’s the name of the game, Lonely planet eat your heart out. So whats the point of all this … well nothing , but if you do it enough number of times you do make holidaying a routine … that’s right I am a spheroid vacationer ain't I the lime in the limbo.

I’ve said it once and ill say it again (I know I know I’m routinely repeating myself) but really “Woe is me”
SigmondondgiSigmond

Spider is the new Man!

With great power comes great responsibility and with great Responsibility comes lilac tights and light blue underwear.

Spiderman 3, Hollywood’s new and dashing expose on the lives of geeks with night jobs hit a cord in me. The revolution is here people! Sensitive men all over the world have pulled up their cotton socks, strapped on their (Oh I’m so gay but not in that way) scarves, tucked in their pink shirts and are on the big screen. Spiderman 3 is the first major Hollywood blockbuster that has asserted the following things about the NEW MAN

A) Everybody cries, be it while kicking the shit out of a super-villain, or being dumped by your bulimic girl (man) friend on the bridge. Spidey says, “Its ok to cry cause at the end of the day nobody can see you behind your mask." And if anyone does see you cry ask him for a tissue and a shoulder, if he is carrying either ... turn around and call him a fucking FAG.

B) Crotch hugging tights and business suits are the same, you can go to work in them, they ride up your yahoos all day long ... and for some reason everyone around you wearing them seem to be enjoying it. Spidey says, "Who needs a cup when you have a wedgy up the wrong way... baby there aint no note high enough, aint no falsetto toned up enough .. aint no twang sharp enough .. when the spandex has got you yeahh!!!!!!"

C) Best friends if not checked (and left alone in a dark corner) will invariablly have one or more extremely gay best friends moment. Take spidey and the new goblin, hes in lilac , he is in green, the lights go off , soo goblin lights a candle bomb, Spidey hates the ambiance and he has been acting PMSey lately , he gets pissed off throws the candle at Gobby , fucks him up completely , thanks to the huge ward of TNT at the base of the candle ... Gobby says NOOOOOOOOOO but we are friends ... Spidey leaves in a huff...... He reaches home to find out that there are 16 missed calls and 20 messages on his phone ... he doesn’t bat an eyelid ..... weeks later hes out with MAry Jane .... Gobby sees this and confront her ... there is a brief exchange of words after with Mary Jane realizes that she cannot be the on to come in between SPIDEY and GOBBY ... she splits ..leaving behind a confused spidey who while away his loneliness at a cheesy jazz club drinking and dancing to the tunes of the teletubbies ...... Then suddenly out of the blue comes ...Brazilian wax Man ..who forces Spidey into the ancient split strip bikini wax posture .... the hot melting wax and the sounds of spandex cracking ...the sound of the spider ...frying ......OHH look out there in the sky is it a bird is it a plane .. no its GOBBY....astride on his white steed.. SPidey's knight in shining armor .... the day is saved, but GOBBY is wounded ..... few is said but love is not lost and then ....................... another tear is shed .............

Damn all this time i have been writing i should have been out there shopping, getting a manicure , a pedicure ... sipping a Pinot with some low fat cheese .... Woe is me I am but a man.. just a man .... no no I don’t want the pink shirt and I don’t care if its designer .....

Asleep by Day

Sigmond by night..