Blank is the new Deep

I work in a ‘hot spot’. No, not a volatile area where everyday is like the compelling and driving Hollywood box office mega buster, but a hotspot which means that as of today I have no permanent place to sit.

In all logic both technical and well metaphorical, I am not only a corporate slave but also now a corporate Nomad. Call me a goat herder of data or the forest people of consultancy, or even the bush farmers of data mining. I shall now move around this vast world that is the 10th floor of a rather boring looking building and as I do so, I shall stick to the one true practise of all nomadic tribes, ‘The ancient and highly effective process of slash and burn’ (metaphorically speaking of course … or is it …)

The only way to get your desired seating is to come to work at an acceptably early hour, somewhere around the time when everyone else is leaving office to the time when everyone is back the next day. Sigmond says stick with the program and gear up for a night in the OFFICE. (Rating pending CBFC R21 for mature and often inappropriate acts of singular violence and gratification of the selfish kind).

So as I smirk at all these hapless innocent bystanders as they pass me by, I mentally take note of the things I need to survive ‘A night at the Office’.

1. Keep three lengthy files of debits and credits handy – Use in case of emergency only , such emergencies include a) being chased by rogue punk accountants out late after a night of heavy auditing , b) being asked to join a group of punk accountants heading into a night of heavy auditing (the rule of the invisible chameleon is to blend with the backdrop….an ancient Chinese saying) and c) To throw at innocent bystanders down below when the wee hours of the night get to being just a bit monotonous.

2. Prepare a screen saver which closely resembles something you should be doing, in this particular case; prepare a screen saver that looks like a myriad of graphs and complicated mathematical formula. (Tip: always include the following symbols to confuse the ever effectively confused higher strata of management; ∑ ∫ Ц ≠ ∂ ∆ ∏ along with a few 1,2,3,4, Q.E.D so on and so forth). Such a screen saver not only justifies your stay in “The Office” but also projects an image of one being committed to the firm thus impressing the possible but improbable scenario where a member of higher management that might actually be roaming the halls of the greater hot spot plains.

3. Always keep access card handy in order to facilitate the whole peeing when I want to pee process rather than the hold it in cause once I’m out to pee I cant get back in cause the highly magnetically locked door has shut behind me with a sense of premeditated vengeance.

4. Keep handy the following numbers, A) the hand phone number of your boss – just in case the night grows dull and you need something to do. The phone number will help ease such boredom by facilitating long convoluted and highly confusing conversations about degeneric algorithms which are great hoaxes to play on someone who gets paid more than you and possibly sleeps a lot more than you.B) The number 42 – because Douglas Adams said so and C) The number of the tech support hotline – so that you can speak to the lonely call centre guy half way around the world when you feel the need for the warmth of a distant horribly accented call centre kinda voice.

5.Lastly always hold close to oneself the most important gadget of all, the half strung tie – this shows that its been a hard days night (even though you haven’t been working like a dog) and that the day just does not end. This will not only let you leave early the next day but also draw sympathetic brownie points from your fellow colleagues who will eventually supply you with the goodness of a kind ear which eventually will become your personal bitching haven.

Laptop ..check, internet …check, Tie ..check, Utter boredom…check …. Toothbrush ..not needed… Toilet map … 17th 18th and 21st floor…. Available nourishment …. Cakes, Coke, coffee, Curry red bean-Bun (HUH!!!)

A night of corporate debauchery … here I come

Sigmond
Almost there not quiet but wishing there was more to it than just that